"The strife you wallow in was created by your own hand, the torment you endure is the result of your own actions; we do not pity the selfish - we do not pity the manipulators."
You cannot go through life playing the victim and expect people to stand by you. Whether the pain you endure is real or not you are responsible for your own actions. Like the child molestor that blames his own abuse for his perverted tendencies. Bullshit!!! If you need help and you know you need help - they go and get it! I'm done!
About Me
- J. M. Jefferson
- NYC, NY, United States
- I am a married mother of two, living in NYC. I began writing in elementary school, and I quickly fell in love with storytelling and since then, I have made it my dream to create stories that everyone can enjoy. I have written many short stories and poems since childhood and I always have another manuscript in the works. I have always enjoyed writing but my greatest pastime is reading. You can often catch me at any given time with a new book at hand. You can find my books online @ Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Letting Go (available on Amazon and B&N)
Sienna is a childhood abuse survivor. She likes to avoid emotional connections
with people. Until she meets Steven. The attraction is instantly intense. Steven
is like no one she has ever known and she feels him slowly bringing her out of
her shell. He is the most passionate and affectionate man she has ever been with
and Sienna finds herself wanting more. But her inner turmoil and demons won’t
let her be happy and she soon starts to fight that immense pull between them.
Steven, who is falling hard for this mysterious girl, is trying his best to be
patient with her. Will she let him into her heart and let down her guard or will
she push him away forever?
Second Chances (available on Amazon and B&N)
Jessie and Nick were once the ideal couple. They were friends, who became
lovers, who became soul mates. But the rejection of Nick's proposal forced them
to part ways leaving Jessie confused and lonely and Nick hurt and lost. Two
years have passed and a chance encounter brings them face to face with each
other. Can they reconnect and find what they once lost or is it too late for
both of them?
Monday, April 1, 2013
Shattered
The tears come unannounced, unwelcomed
Feelings of anger and shame surging through me
Like an unruly intruder refusing to leave
The clouds roll in suddenly and the skies open up
All that I was or rather who I was supposed to be
Shattered ... torn apart by violent winds.
This ominous cyclone tore through my soul
and destroyed all innocence and beauty
All that remains is this unrecognizable shell
That has been condemned.
I tread lightly between its remaining walls.
Afraid it might collapse.
I stand guard, slowly clearing debris
and watching over the remnants of this once beautiful
thing.
Hoping one day it will be whole again
Untitled
I thought of you last night
It wasn't intentional
It wasn't expected
It wasn't welcomed
But it was just as hard
To stop the tears
To convince myself
That everything was alright
Preview of Sweet Susan (Not yet published)
...Oh God ... Jon. I’m so sorry. He thought with tears
streaming down his face as he looked at himself in the mirror. How could he? He
heard a soft knock and he snapped his eyes to the door
“Drew ... are you okay?”
He turned back to the mirror and saw his own red rimmed
eyes and turned on the faucet to splash water on his face. “Yeah,” he voice
broke slightly. So he cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah ... sorry give
me a minute.”
“Can you open the door?”
He just stared at the door and shook his head.
“Please Drew open the door. It’s okay.”
His hand moved to the door but he didn’t turn it. His
tears started to fall again. But his chest didn’t feel tight anymore. He
thought maybe it was her voice.
“Baby please open the door ... please?” She said softly.
He gasped at the baby part, and rested his head on the
door, for a moment before opening the door.
She was crying. Damnit, he made her cry. He was such an
asshole. “Please don’t cry ...” and then she leaned up and kissed his lips
again and his eyes closed and his breathe left him and he felt pain behind his
yes begin to fade.
She pulled back and leaned her cheek on his shoulder and
pulled him closer.
“I hurt too Drew.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not you.”
“Will you tell me?”
“Not now, but ... I’d like too.”
“Okay.” He said stoking her back softly.
She pulled back and looked at him again. “I don’t want to
hurt right now.” He could only look in her eyes, and let her see the heat
there. “Can we do that? Can we maybe, not hurt ... together.” He could only nod
as she kissed him again.
And then he picked her up and pressed her body against
his and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he left the bathroom and
headed for the stairs.
Preview of Second Chances
I looked up and our eyes meet again, “You know what,
it doesn’t matter now … it’s in the past … let’s just forget it, ok?” I said
and then leaned in for a hug and he pulled me in close. The hug felt so good; familiar … consuming. The hug lasted a little longer than it should
have and when I pulled back he looked a little unsettled and then he pulled me
close again this time tilted his head and closing his eyes for a kiss.
The kiss was soft and warm. It was unexpected and yet I didn’t pull
away. It felt so right. I didn’t want it to stop. He let go of me and
looked in my eyes; his own seemed somewhat apologetic. Then he turned his gaze towards the sunset
again. Looking over I can see his hands
shaking. I covered them with mine to
help steady them but as soon as I touched his hands he turned suddenly to me
again and with a brief hesitation he grabbed me firmly at the shoulders and
pulled me into him and kissed me more deeply, passionately.
His kiss moved to my forehead and down to my neck and
as he laid his fore head on my shoulder, breathing deeply as if trying to take
more of me in, I can feel him quiver slightly.
Once he spoke I knew why … “Jessie, I’m sorry”… he was choked up; I
could hear the emotion in his voice. I tried
to hold my tears back. I just sat there
trying not to weep and then touching his chin so that I could lift his head so
that I could look in his eyes.
“Don’t …” but before I could get out the word ‘apologize’
he kissed me again.
Kissing my lips, cheek, neck while is arms firmly hold
me against him he whispers in my ear while bringing his hand up to cup my face,
“let me see you; please”. His voice
broke a little when he spoke.
I leaned back to look at him again. Softly he tells me
“all of you”. As the last of the tears
rolls down my cheek, I lift the T-shirt above my head and slip it off. The look of passion in his eyes made me loose
all sense of reason … our surroundings were gone.
“God I missed you Jessie.” He reached for me, placing his
hands just behind my neck, with his fingers reaching through my hair he pulls
me close to him and then leaned in for another kiss. This one was more passionate and I placed my
hand on his waist and softly touched his cheek.
I was so swept up in the moment that it was hard to tell if the heavy
breathing was coming from me or him. I
think it was both. Our hands probing
each others bodies as the sun set.
He stopped suddenly resting his forehead against
mine. “No” he said. I realized then that he had the shirt in his
hand and slowly raised it to slip it back over my head. “You should get dressed.” His voice was deep
and husky.
“Wait … what?” I said as he moved back into his
seat. I looked at him in disbelief … why did he stop?
He grasped the steering wheel again so tightly that I
can hear the leather stretch under his grip. “I can’t ... we can’t”, he looks
at me with a look of both hunger and pain, “not like this ok?, not here”.
Disappointed, I slipped the shirt back off and slid my
dress back on; it was pretty much dry by now. But I understood what he meant.
“Where do you live now, I’ll take you home”. I gave him the address and sat next to him
for the entire 10min ride home. He
pulled up to the curb and shut off the engine.
I sat frozen in the passenger seat looking out the window towards my
front door, not knowing what to say and not wanting to go. Thankfully he spoke first. “Can I see you again?” his grip still tight
on the wheel.
“Sure” I answered with a hint of hurt that I tried so
hard not to let him see.
“Jessie, please … I’m sorry. I really want to see you again.”
“I know … here” I reached over and grabbed his cell
phone off the dashboard and programmed my number.
“Here is my number … call me tomorrow ok”
He smiled softly as he took the phone back. “I will”
And then he leaned in to give me a kiss, on the forehead. I got out of the car with my bags and slowly
walked towards the door, opened it, and as I turned to close the door I saw him
still sitting there at the curb just watching me; smiling. He waved just before I shut the door; as I
waved back.
I leaned up against the door in a little bit of shock,
still holding my bags; I thumped my head softly on the door. I just stood there for a minute, my mind
racing. Remembering the past, the good
times, the bad, the break up. Looking up at the clock I now realize it’s after
8pm. So, being snapped back to my wits,
I go about my usually business. I put
the groceries up and threw a load in the dryer and readied my bath while I
grabbed something quick to eat.
Preview of Letting Go
Grabbing his
hand and I pull him towards the front of the building, “come on…show me where
you live”. He didn’t say another word to
me the entire trip to the front door and up the stairs. When we reached his door … he put the key
into the lock and then looked over his shoulder back at me as if to read my
reaction to the situation. I follow him
into the room and shut the door behind me.
“You want
something to drink?” I gave a little
jerk of his hand to keep him from proceeding into the room … and quickly pulled
his mouth to meet mine. He tilted his
head and opened his mouth and I slipped my tongue in seeking his. We hungrily tasted each other for what felt
like an eternity. I can’t remember the
last time I kissed someone like this. In
fact I don’t usually like kissing at all.
Just seems too personal, too emotional.
This is just sex … but I couldn’t help myself. I don’t know why, but I felt like I had to
kiss him. Since the moment I saw him in
that bar I wanted to taste his lips.
“Wow” I said
pulling away for air. I start unbuckling
his belt as I lean in to kiss some more.
I can’t wait anymore, I have to feel him. If he
kisses like that ... as my mind begins to fantasize my hands speed up the
process.
“Whoa … easy
sweetheart … we have plenty of time.” He grabbed my hands and pulled back from
me slightly. I just stared at him,
trying to form words, too lost in the moment.
“Would you like
something to drink? ... why don’t you come in and sit down?” Still holding my
hand, he leads me to the couch. I really don’t need this ‘let’s get to know
each other first’ bullshit right now. But I will indulge him for a few mins. We talked back and forth for several minutes
and he seemed like a nice guy.
Finally I felt
like it was time to move the night along. Those
lips look so good. “Listen, I like you” … I lean in to start unbuttoning
the shirt he partially undid before we sat down … “but you don’t have to fake
interest in getting to know me and all baby, I am already willing …” I rose up
to straddle him. “And very much able …” sliding my hand below his waist and
firmly gripping his already growing erection
“Wait …” I cut
off his words with a kiss.
Hungrily I
thrust my tongue forward in search of his.
“Mmmm baby you taste so good … do you taste like this all over?”
I continue to
stroke his hardness through the rough denim, as he threw his head back and let
out a deep sigh. “Shit ...” he breathed through clenched teeth. Dropping down
to my knees in front of him, I release him from the painful confines of his
jeans and ease him into to mouth, so quickly, I don’t think he knew what I was
doing until I had already tasted him. His head whipped down sharply to look at
me, his eyes wide with shock at my forwardness and he sucked in a sharp breathe
… “Jesus”.
Within a matter
of seconds, both his hands were at his side gripping the couch. No man
can resist an amazing blow job. Soon
he began moving his hips to follow my rhythm as I sucked him deeper. His hands
going to my head, and tangling in my hair.
After a min or
so his back stiffened, “Sienna stop”… in almost a whisper … “please sweetheart …
I’m not gonna last like this … it’s too damn good”. I simply ignored him and continue to slurp
away at him, enticing him to continue, while running my hand up his chest. “God … Sienna … please.” I just looked up and tightened my grip on
him. “God damnit…” his grip tightened in
my hair firmly and he thrust hard twice, and then stared into my eyes, as I
looked up at him while his warm seed slid down my throat.
“Mmmm … you do taste
good all over.” I said leaning back to look at his satisfied eyes. The next moment two things happened. He stood abruptly, grabbing me by the
shoulders and pulling me up with him. And
before I had a chance to register my shock, he lifted me off the ground, tossed
me over his shoulder and carried me into the bedroom, tossing me on the bed.
The room was
illuminated by the light shining in through the hall. He quickly removed the rest of his clothes in
silence, but I could sense the intensity building in him.
As I looked up
at his silhouetted naked body approaching the bed, and saw his staff stiffly
pressed against his belly, I scooted back on the bed until I hit the head board
with a thump. I felt afraid … scared of
this menacing figure approaching me and I wondered if this was all a bad
idea. I knew picking guys up in bars
could lead me down a scary road one day.
I knew one day I might pick up the wrong guy, even though I keep doing
it anyway.
“Wait” I called
out … my voice just a little shaky.
Leaning over me
after climbing on the bed, he began to roughly remove my clothing, tossing it
aside. “Oh no sweetheart … I can play this game too”. I froze, my fear subsided some when I heard
his voice, and the heat began rising again.
There is
something about this man. Something very
confident and daring … it felt like he was challenging me. Leaning over my naked body, he began to
devour me … my neck, my shoulders, my breasts … and then he moved to my thighs
and more. I momentarily lost my capability
for normal speech and began moaning and sighing as he tasted me.
My release was
almost immediate. It shocked me and
scared me all at the same time, because I never came quickly with another
man. It took me a long time for me to orgasm
most nights, if I did at all. Some nights
I would leave whatever guy I was with when we were done and I would go home and
later get myself off to release the tension.
He continued to
taste me for a several minutes, lapping at every drop as I writhed in agony
under him. It was too much and I began
to shake uncontrollably. And I started to move away from his probing tongue,
when he grabbed my hips and moaned his disapproval. And pulled me closer to his
mouth
“Steven please …”
no sooner had I said his name that he jumped up and positioned himself in
between my legs. He thrust in me so
quickly, that the sensation was immense.
Thrust after thrust, we twisted in each other arms. Wave after wave of pleasure rippled through
me, I felt like I was losing my mind and I screamed his name as I came again. The room began to melt away, and I latched
onto his back as he found his release.
His soft whisper,
warm on my neck, “… the way you say my name …” and then collapsed next to me,
pulling me to him. Exhaustion hit before
I knew and my eyes grew dark and I faded away into a peaceful slumber.
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