Preview of Second Chances

I looked up and our eyes meet again, “You know what, it doesn’t matter now … it’s in the past … let’s just forget it, ok?” I said and then leaned in for a hug and he pulled me in close.  The hug felt so good; familiar … consuming.  The hug lasted a little longer than it should have and when I pulled back he looked a little unsettled and then he pulled me close again this time tilted his head and closing his eyes for a kiss. 

The kiss was soft and warm.  It was unexpected and yet I didn’t pull away.  It felt so right.  I didn’t want it to stop. He let go of me and looked in my eyes; his own seemed somewhat apologetic.   Then he turned his gaze towards the sunset again.  Looking over I can see his hands shaking.  I covered them with mine to help steady them but as soon as I touched his hands he turned suddenly to me again and with a brief hesitation he grabbed me firmly at the shoulders and pulled me into him and kissed me more deeply, passionately.

 

His kiss moved to my forehead and down to my neck and as he laid his fore head on my shoulder, breathing deeply as if trying to take more of me in, I can feel him quiver slightly.  Once he spoke I knew why … “Jessie, I’m sorry”… he was choked up; I could hear the emotion in his voice.  I tried to hold my tears back.  I just sat there trying not to weep and then touching his chin so that I could lift his head so that I could look in his eyes. 

“Don’t …” but before I could get out the word ‘apologize’ he kissed me again.

Kissing my lips, cheek, neck while is arms firmly hold me against him he whispers in my ear while bringing his hand up to cup my face, “let me see you; please”.  His voice broke a little when he spoke.

I leaned back to look at him again. Softly he tells me “all of you”.  As the last of the tears rolls down my cheek, I lift the T-shirt above my head and slip it off.  The look of passion in his eyes made me loose all sense of reason … our surroundings were gone.

“God I missed you Jessie.” He reached for me, placing his hands just behind my neck, with his fingers reaching through my hair he pulls me close to him and then leaned in for another kiss.  This one was more passionate and I placed my hand on his waist and softly touched his cheek.  I was so swept up in the moment that it was hard to tell if the heavy breathing was coming from me or him.  I think it was both.  Our hands probing each others bodies as the sun set.

He stopped suddenly resting his forehead against mine.  “No” he said.  I realized then that he had the shirt in his hand and slowly raised it to slip it back over my head.  “You should get dressed.” His voice was deep and husky.

“Wait … what?” I said as he moved back into his seat.  I looked at him in disbelief … why did he stop?

He grasped the steering wheel again so tightly that I can hear the leather stretch under his grip. “I can’t ... we can’t”, he looks at me with a look of both hunger and pain, “not like this ok?, not here”.

Disappointed, I slipped the shirt back off and slid my dress back on; it was pretty much dry by now. But I understood what he meant.

“Where do you live now, I’ll take you home”.  I gave him the address and sat next to him for the entire 10min ride home.  He pulled up to the curb and shut off the engine.  I sat frozen in the passenger seat looking out the window towards my front door, not knowing what to say and not wanting to go.  Thankfully he spoke first.  “Can I see you again?” his grip still tight on the wheel.

“Sure” I answered with a hint of hurt that I tried so hard not to let him see.

“Jessie, please … I’m sorry.  I really want to see you again.”

“I know … here” I reached over and grabbed his cell phone off the dashboard and programmed my number.

“Here is my number … call me tomorrow ok”

He smiled softly as he took the phone back. “I will” And then he leaned in to give me a kiss, on the forehead.  I got out of the car with my bags and slowly walked towards the door, opened it, and as I turned to close the door I saw him still sitting there at the curb just watching me; smiling.  He waved just before I shut the door; as I waved back. 

I leaned up against the door in a little bit of shock, still holding my bags; I thumped my head softly on the door.  I just stood there for a minute, my mind racing.  Remembering the past, the good times, the bad, the break up. Looking up at the clock I now realize it’s after 8pm.  So, being snapped back to my wits, I go about my usually business.  I put the groceries up and threw a load in the dryer and readied my bath while I grabbed something quick to eat.